The Great Outdoors?
by Reanna R. King
Summary: "Bara no ZIP IT tame ni. ZIPPai Unmei Mokushiroku. Sekai wo kakumei ZIP IT tame ni."


THE GREAT OUTDOORS

THE GREAT OUTDOORS?

By Reanna King

AN: You'd think I'd know better to put this up on FFN after it got Msted by Revolutionary Science Theater 3000, but I still like this story and there have been plenty of others who have… so I'm putting it up. J Here we go! This one is REALLY old by the way, I wrote it around 2 and a half years ago! Okay… Ashilee Warwick is my friend, by the way, since you're all probably wondering who she is…

"Great outdoors my sword," Saionji scowled as he, along with most of the rest of the Utena cast, Ashilee Warwick and I paraded onto the Rock Dam campground (located in good ol' Wisconsin!).

Anyone who saw this procession of anime characters would certainly have thought twice about staying at this campground. Each one carried their own special color-coded sleeping bags and backpacks. At the head of the party was Reanna, carrying a chibi-Miki doll followed closely by Ashilee carrying a chibi-Mikage doll (scary thought). Behind them was Miki, followed a little too closely behind by Kozue. Then came Utena and Anthy (with Chu Chu on her shoulder). Then was Touga with his kitten, carrying an extra large red sleeping bag (big enough to hold two people, hint hint), the inside of which was silk. Nanami ran eagerly behind him shouting something about sharing the tent. Mitsuru (pair of red boxing gloves slung over his shoulder), Aiko, Yuuko and Keiko were behind her. Then came Saionji with his chibi-Anthy doll and a leash, which happened to be attached to a crocodile. (looking very worn as if it had been slapped several times) followed by Wakaba, who was skipping just a little too cheerfully. Then came Shiori, followed by Ruka and Juri. Then came Mikage and Mamiya (still looking sickly despite the fresh Wisconsin air). Then came Akio and Kanae, and then finally three girls that looked like nothing more than shadows.

"Oh come on! This fresh air is the best seasoning of all!" an eerie female voice called from the back of the party.

"Come on, Saionji! This is going to be great! No homework, no duels, no… well, 

Akio's still here, but two out of three isn't bad after all." Reanna called back to the Green One.

Reanna plopped down all her stuff on the grass. "This is our site, guys! Let's set up the tents."

"Tent?" Nanami asked. "I won't sleep in a tent on top of dirty, rocky, bumpy ground! If I can't sleep in a luxury camper, I'm going home right now!"

"We're thousands of miles away from Japan, Nanami," Miki noted.

Touga cleared his throat. "Uh, I kind of… left the tents back at the school?"

"NAZE?" came the collective shout.

"Well, if I had carried the tents I wouldn't have been able to carry all of my things." Touga smiled his too-sexy-for-my-shirt-and-all-of-you-but-I'd-love-to-go-with-you-anyway smile.

Reanna sweatdropped. "What…. kind…. of things?"

Touga set down a big bag. The zipper popped open, allowing cans of whipped cream, handcuffs, and several other things I could name but won't.

Wakaba picked up a can of whipped cream and squirted it into her mouth.

"I noticed you didn't bring your ball gag, Touga," Akio observed.

"Actually, I lent it to Reanna a week ago and she hasn't given it back yet…"

*blush*… "Okaysoifwedonthavetentsthenwelljusthaveto… sleep out under the stars."

Anthy turned to Utena. "Doesn't that sound romantic, Utena-sama?"

"When can we build the campfire?" Mikage asked, sounding unusually enthusiastic while Mamiya turned several very pretty shades of green beside him.

"When can we go swimming?" asked Akio.

"When can we go to bed?" asked Touga.

"Tickle fight…" whispered Ruka, tickling Saionji in the ribs.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Miki, look at the new swimsuit I got you…"

"Kozue, I'm not wearing that."**kachi**

"Kashira, kashira!"

"Onii-sama, there's a bug on me…"

"It'll be a miracle if we make it through this weekend."

"There are no such things as miracles!"

"ANO NE!" Reanna shouted, causing everybody to gradually quiet down. "Now that we're here, what would you like to do first?"

"Build the campfire!"

"Go to bed!"

"Go swimming!"

"Go home!"

"Roast marshmallows!"

"I'm allergic to marshmallows."

"Kozue, I said I won't wear that!"

"Tickle tickle tickle!"

"Uh… damn… are squirrels okay for crocodiles to eat?"

Reanna sighed. It was going to be a long weekend…

They had decided to go swimming first. Rock Dam had a creek running next to their campsite that broadened into more of a small river. After rounding a corner, it ran shallowly over flat and slippery rocks before cascading down in a small five-foot waterfall into a sort of miniature lagoon before flowing on again. Beside it was a small sand beach and small mountains of rock with various things carved into it by previous visitors. Aside from the vandalism, a beautiful swimming spot. Akio was busy carving something about the Ends of the World followed by a phone number.

The cast of SKU had scared off any campers that had been swimming there. First, 

Saionji let his crocodile swim around to its heart's content, which cleared out most of the swimmers. The swimming attire of many of the newcomers had frightened off the rest of them.

Utena started off with a perfect swan dive off of the waterfall. Anthy applauded from off to the side. She wore a red one-piece suit with frills around the waist. Reanna's purple hair (matching her own one-piece) trailed behind her as she swam over to Miki and Kozue. Miki had managed to "lose" his new swimsuit and wore the one he brought—a pair of blue swimming trunks with music notes on it. However, to Miki's dismay, Kozue seemed to be set on yanking them off. Reanna was meanwhile set on keeping Kozue from doing so. The material of Kozue's suit wouldn't have fit into a thimble.

Nanami was lounging on one of those inflatable cushions with a glass of lemonade. Mamiya sat off to the side, his knees pulled up to his chest, watching calmly, remarking that swimming made him seasick. Mikage looked slightly uncomfortable in getting into the water.

"Mikage-sama!" a cry came. Mikage whirled around just before Ashilee charged into him and knocked him into the water. The force of the splash knocked Nanami's floating cushion over. Nanami came up screaming angrily, her draped down over her eyes.

Mitsuru didn't like that, but wasn't sure whether to go after Ashilee or Mikage. Instead, he swam to Nanami, who was screaming about not being able to swim.

Mikage came up, rubbing his eyes and spitting out water, his pink hair clinging to his face and looking even longer than usual. From behind him, Mamiya burst out laughing.

"I'm drowning!"

"I'll save you, Miss Nanami!"

"I'm wet!"

"I'm naked!"

"I know…" 

"I'm gonna tickle you Juri…"

"I'm gonna kill you!"

"I'm gonna throw up…"

"I'm a prince and will stop this madness!"

Reanna watched from on top of the waterfall, sweatdropping. She wondered how long this would get her kicked off the campground. Sure, nobody who came along could understand a word anybody was saying… and nobody who came along who knew Japanese would have stayed around long enough to listen anyway…

"Saionji! Get your crocodile away from my cat!" Touga shouted.

"Come on, Touga! All he's had today are a couple squirrels!"

Touga jumped on the crocodile and began wrestling with it, looking quite a bit like the Crocodile Hunter (my sister's going to kill me for that analogy). "No! No! We don't knaw on our kitty." Touga said, sounding quite a bit like a certain evil doctor. He held its mouth shut. "Leave Bigglesworth-san alone."

Miki, pulling his trunks back on, remarked, "Touga just hasn't been the same person since you showed him 'Austin Powers,' Reanna-sama."

"I know. It's my fault."

"Now you sound like Miki-kun!" Wakaba laughed.

"He hasn't made a 1/8 scale size clone of himself, has he?" Utena asked.

"I hope not," Reanna answered.

"Now that's not a bad idea," Touga remarked, before running off.

"Good going, Utena!" came the shout from almost everyone present.

Utena shrugged.

"Okay, everyone, let's set up the campfire!" Utena said after we had finished swimming.

"Let's find some firewood," Reanna said, bringing over some branches to the spot we had picked out. Maybe we can all do something without too much chaos resulting from it. One little campfire, please kami, just one little campfire…

"Miki, those twigs are too small.

"Mikage, I don't think the management would like it if we burned an entire tree."

"Why not?" Mikage asked sincerely.

"Why not…"

"So what, are these 'just right?'" Juri asked, holding up what she had found.

"No, those are too just right," grumbled Saionji, pulling a squirrel tail out of his crocodile's mouth.

"Come on, everyone," Kanae said. "Let's build this campfire before it gets too dark." She muttered something under her breath about not trusting her jerk fiancée in the dark or in the light for that matter.

"I think we've got enough here," Utena said. "Is everybody here?"

"I don't see Nanami or Touga anywhere or Mitsuru for that matter." Ashilee noted, her attention more on Mikage than anything else.

"Big Brother, what about this one?" Nanami was asking as she held up a branch.

Touga, hacksaw in hand (scary thought, that) looked over to Nanami. "That'll be fine. I wonder if this is enough."

Just then, there was the sound of splintering of wood. Nanami whirled around to see a tree falling toward her. Nanami screamed. "Big Brother, save me!"

"I'll save you, Miss Nanami!" shouted a voice. Mitsuru came out of the trees, with a saw in his own hand. He threw it to the side and dove at Nanami, knocking her out of the way just in time so the tree barely missed her—but it didn't miss Mitsuru.

"Hey! What's going on here?" Touga, Nanami and Mitsuru looked to see Juri, Reanna, Utena, and Anthy running toward them.

"Oh, my! What happened?" Anthy asked. "What a terrible accident!"

Chu Chu sweatdropped.

Utena picked up Mitsuru's saw. "So what's this for, Mitsuru?"

"Nothing!" he squeaked as he climbed out from under the tree, seeing as no one was making any move to help him. "I wasn't being suspicious!"

"That's Miki's line," Reanna muttered.

"Interrogation!" Juri shouted. "We have to interrogate him!"

Mitsuru squeaked.

"No we don't!" Reanna countered.

"Yes we do!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

Nanami turned to Touga. "Big Brother, I wanna go home!"

"Zip it, Nanami."

"But Big—"

Touga made a zipping motion over his mouth. "ZIP."

"But—"

"ZIP-adee-doo-dah, ZIP-adee-day…"

"Big Brother—"

ZIPPai Unmei Mokushiroku…"

"Big—"

"Bara no ZIP IT. Kakumei no ZIP IT tameni!"

"I knew getting him that Dr. Evil quote book was a mistake…" Utena grumbled.

Sooner or later, everyone was gathered around the campfire. Mikage would every once in a while come up a little to close and sit there until his skin was almost boiling, and then back off for a few minutes, before returning.

Most of them sat holding marshmallows over the fire with sticks, but they sometimes had to start over when Chu Chu would jump up and steal it.

Mamiya stated that he was allergic to marshmallows.

"Big Brother," Nanami whined. "I HATE marshmallows. What else is there?"

Touga put his pinkie on his lower lip. "Would you like a Hot Pocket? Maybe an Eggo?"

"Touga!" Juri screamed. "If you do one more quote from Austin Powers, I'll—"

"Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Juri."

"Camping, camping, camping's so much fun…" a trio of voices sang.

"Miki, what are you doing?" Reanna asked, leaning over to look at the paper that Miki was writing numerous equations on.

"I'm calculating the exact chocolate-to-marshmallow ratio and cooking time in order to create the perfect s'more."

"Miki, by the time you finish there will be no more chocolate or marshmallows left."

"Fire… fire… fire…" Mikage was murmuring to himself.

"Will somebody please hose him down?"

Reanna sighed. "Okay!" she shouted. "Who wants to hear a scary story?"

"I'm allergic to scary stories!"

"Is it an evil scary story?"

"Does it have fire in it?"

"Big Brother, I HATE scary stories!"

"Scary in… what way?"

"ANO NE! This is a story about a school…" Reanna turned on a flashlight and positioned the light just under her chin.

"A school?" came several incredulous voices.

"Right. A school." Reanna grinned evilly. "This school is…"

"Shaped like a burial mound," Ruka finished, moving to tickle Miki.

"No. It's not shaped like anything at all in particular. No courtyard, no creepy towers, no haunted dorms, no dueling arena—"

Touga felt faint.

"No rose garden—"

Anthy gasped in horror.

"What are the students like?" Juri asked, wide eyed.

"Well, first," Reanna grinned evilly. "None of them has ever had a sword pulled from their chest."

"Not _one_?" came the horrified chorus.

"Swords are considered a weapon and are not allowed on campus."

"That's just sick," Saionji said in disgust.

"There has never been a horse, bull or kangaroo loose in this school."

Anthy pulled in close to Utena for comfort.

"And no one keeps snails or mongooses in their pencil cases and desks."

"What about giant octopus balloons?" Anthy asked in a cautious whisper.

"Not a single one to be found anywhere. And none of the teachers has ever been pushed down a flight of stairs."

"My God," Kozue gasped. "What is this world coming to?"

"Curry doesn't explode or change people's personalities, either."

Nanami pulled close to Touga.

"And… the teachers are for the most part in control of the school."

Touga gasped. "Not the seitokai?"

Reanna shook her head solemnly.

"I don't want to hear anymore."

"This is too creepy!"

"Stop!"

"Tickle, tickle, tickle…"

"What a horrible idea, a school like that!"

"There isn't a school that's really like this, is there?"

"Don't worry. It was just a story," Reanna said.

Akio raised an eyebrow. "You call that a scary story? _I'll_ show you a scary story. Give me that," he took the flashlight from Reanna and shone it on his own angular face.

Reanna raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Akio, is this story about sex?"

Akio looked surprised. "Of course." (This caused a scant few to leave the general area and a few more to come in closer)

"What's so scary about sex?" Reanna asked.

Kozue grinned at Reanna. "You've never had sex with Akio, have you?"

"Not yet," Akio grinned and was immediately hit on the side of the head by one of Reanna's shoes. Akio frowned. "I'm keeping this," he growled, holding up the shoe. He cleared his throat. "Now. The story begins on a quiet and cloudy night… … all alone… … knock on the door… … screamed… … into the bedroom… … evil grin… …" Reanna only caught a few words because, frankly, she'd heard better stories.

When Akio was finished, several of the students were left wide-eyed—some with smiles and others with gaping mouths. Reanna yawned.

"Was that it?" she asked. "Because if that's the best you can do, I'll just be heading off to bed."

There came a rather feminine scream followed by a soft, "Come on Miki, just like in Akio's story…"

"Maybe we should just go home tomorrow."

Akio laughed. "Face it, Reanna. You can take the students out of Ohtori, but you can't take the Ohtori out of the students."

END

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